"Relationship" the most common reason of misery and stress among most of the people around. It has a different meaning for different people in different stage of life living at different places. The relationship is not just about having a boy-friend or a girl-friend, it also includes friends, family, colleagues and Guru.
I always had a question, " Why do we need a relationship?". I got various answers with the change in time and situation and still looking for a better understanding as new kind of relationship keeps on adding. So far my understanding is that one needs a relationship so that the happiness and sadness can be shared with them. Mostly we need someone to share out sadness, isn't it? When one is in need, he/she can trust that things will be taken care by our own people. However is it what happens? I have realised that no stranger will create a problem or issue for us. Its our own people in most of the situation who are the cause of stress in our life. So what needs to be changed? Definition of relationship or the understanding of it in our life? Thought needs to given to this as we are surrounded by various kind of relationship and one has to handle them on daily basis. The question also arises on to how much time and effort is needed to maintain them, isn't it?
Also looking at the current situation. Their is a trend to have a boy-friend or girl-friend. Seems it is in fashion and status symbol. Even I have gone through this in life. Had many girl-friends in my life. I have thought many times on why do I need a girl-friend however the answer changed with the change in time and my understanding about it. First I used to believe that I don't need a girl-friend as I have my family to help and support me in a way I needed it. Later as I grew I saw that every one in my family is busy in their own life. At times i used to feel lonely and this left me with no choice. So I jump in the emotional ocean of relationship.
After a few months I realised that the tension and stress level increased after having a girl-friend. Now I wanted to understand the reason for this. Is it the person? Of-course not. I realised that the reason of the disputes between us was as follows : -
- Looking for perfection from each other.
- Expecting the other person to be more mature.
- Lack of open communication.
- Not clearing things as and when they arise.
- Not creating a space and atmosphere to talk about things.
- Lack of understanding.
- Lack of sharing things.
- Holding on to the past and not being in the present.
- Being in touch with ex.
- Flirting with other boys/girls.
- Lack of defencelessness when other has to share.
- Justifying things and proving ourselves right.
- Lack of listening to what one has to say and understand it.
- Not giving space to each other. etc
The list can go on as the reasons for the dispute and misunderstanding changed with time. In the beginning I kept on jumping from one relationship to other and thought that this time it will work for me however I was wrong. I realized that no one is perfect in this world. The learning never stops. The bottom line should be that you should stand beside each other no matter how much you fight on petty things. Holding each other is important and one has to do his best to make it work. My understanding is that in a relationship
- One has to change a bit for the other person.
- One has to give what the other person wants and not give what one has to give.
- It has to be give and take but not just give or take.
- Letting go the past is very important.
- Open communication is a must.
- Listening in a defenceless mode is very important.
- One shouldn't justify and prove themselves.
- Solve the issues or disputes as and when they arise.
- Spend some time with each other on daily basis.
- Treat him/her different from others and make him/her feel special.
- Expressing is important.
- Please don't assume anything, ask if you want.
"Relationship" - cannot be ignored however how much efforts and time is needed to maintain it is still a question as it keeps on changing. Can we stop expecting things in a relationship? May be till an extend however expectations cannot be dissolved totally. Still relationship is like a mystery. Let see if the understanding changes with the time.
However for the time being I have found few tools which has helped me to handle my relationship till an extend. The best way is to communicate and never loose your temper. The Art of Living spiritual practices have helped to keep me clam and cool. The moment one is calm and cool the ability to handle a situation increases. Also whenever i was not regular with my spiritual practices i had difficulties managing it. People who have learned The Art of Living please involve yourself in some kind of yoga and meditation practice on daily basis. If possible enroll yourself for The Art of Living course and experience the transformation in you.
"Demand for rights in ignorance; Knowing that no one can take away your rights is freedom; Giving away your rights is love, wisdom" - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Gurudev.
